A White Woman Explains Why She Prefers Black Men

White woman Dating black man

Black skin is thick and lush, sensuous to the touch, like satin and velvet made flesh. There’s only one patch of skin on a white man’s body that remotely compares to nearly every inch of a black man’s skin. The first time I caressed black skin, it felt like a luxury I shouldn’t be able to afford. I craved it more strongly than Carrie Bradshaw craved Manolo Blahnik shoes. That phrase, “Once you go black, you never go back” is all about the feeling of the skin.

And I had the socially acceptable explanation for my craving. I used that paucity-of-available-white-partners rationale to explain my relationships with black men for several years. A white woman past forty is often passed over by her white-male contemporaries. She goes younger or ethnic or foreign-born or down the socioeconomic scale or darker or she spends lonely nights at home with her cats. Black men are happy to get the babe they couldn’t have when she was twentysomething and fertile. The laws of the marketplace do prevail. It’s not me, it’s them being the white guys who weren’t after me anymore, or so I claimed.

That’s a lie. The truth is, I attract about the same percentage of available white men my age (and far younger!) now as I did when I was thirty and that’s not including the unavailable white men who want to play around anyway.

Enough white men want me that I was hardly facing enforced celibacy, but I don’t want them.

I want black men. They want me. We look at one another and exchange a visible frisson of sexual energy in the lingering glances. And our attraction is based first on race. We are not those couples who “happen to fall in love” with someone of a different race or more purposefully come together but out of some greater sense of interracial understanding and respect. Not as politically-correct men and women do we seek one another out. The Internet has made it a lot easier for us to find each other now. Men advertise: ebony seeks ivory. Women write: seeking tall, dark, and handsome. Very dark. We are not the same people who say: Race is not important. It is important to us. We have race-specific desires.

Even in a time when nearly 40 percent of single Americans have dated outside their race, that deliberate seeking of the specific other makes some people, especially black women, damned mad.

We are what they denigrate and castigate: white women and black men who choose one another because of our racial differences. They resent our taking their men. Black men are two and a half times more likely to marry a white woman than a black woman is to marry a white man. Black women can point to that statistic in justifying their wrath. But in truth, black sisters, we’re after the sex, not the ringand these guys aren’t the marrying kind anyway.

Yes, the sex!

The woman who goes after black men is a variant of sex journalist Susie Bright’s “white bitch in heat,” a woman who puts sex first even though women aren’t supposed to do that. According to one school of thought, white women turn to black men when their sex drives kick into higher gear and their social inhibitions recede into the rearview mirror. It’s a “yes, baby, now I’m ready for you” reaction.

When we get to the “yes, baby” place, they know it, and they are ready and waiting for us. Black men have more energy, style and edge than white men. They know how to flirt, a nearly lost art among the rest of us. A black man is so damned sexy because he knows how to make a woman feel sexy.

Black men have something white guys don’t have anymore: confidence in their masculinity, their sexuality. They clearly know they’re men. White men appear to be waiting for the latest sociological research study to let them know if they are men or not. Yet black men are gentlemen, something else white men no longer are. They make me feel like a woman, both respected and desired. I can let go of my inhibitions, my need to control, when I am with them. How many white men can treat a woman like a lady and ravish her too?

I often felt in my White Period that only during heated sex does that little layer of air bubbles between me and the world pop and disappear, leaving me open to intimate connection. It takes a lot of friction for two white people to get that close. These black men, so alive with erotic electricity, cut through the bubbles with a touch, a caress, a kiss and the freedom means I can truly touch them. I am like a pampered passenger in a Porsche with an expert driver at the wheel. I know I could suggest a route change, but I never really want to do that. On the other hand, the last time I had sex with a white man, we slogged along a bumpy road in a really old VW, the driver like the typical bumbling tv husband who would neither ask for nor accept the directions he badly needed.

My current lover, a handsome businessman, seduced me via eye contact at a neighborhood bar while I was eating burgers with a friend. Without saying a word, he paid the compliments, asked the questions with his expressive eyes. He didn’t move over to sit beside me and ask if he could buy me a drink until he knew the time was right. Both soft-spoken and assertive, he has impeccable manners and charm. I was kissing him in a cab 30 minutes after that drink.

On another night in that same bar, a different black man, an artist, knelt and kissed my knees.

I am sure there must be some black men who aren’t good in bed. Personally, I have not experienced one who isn’t. (True, I am not dating down the socioeconomic ladder, but I didn’t do that when I dated white either, so the racial comparisons seem valid and fair.) They look better than white men, they touch and kiss and make love better than white men. Statistically, their penises are only a fraction of an inch bigger on average, but they seem bigger and harder.

White men over 40 have lost their waistlines and their zest for life if they ever had it. They carry resentments, grudges and extra pounds in their basketball bellies. Perhaps a good part of that bloat is unhappiness. Even the thin ones look flabby somehow and deeply aggrieved. They nurse the smallest perceived slight longer than their double shots of Scotch. Surely our culture as much as biology turns them into softer, spongier, less-interesting versions of their youthful selves just at the point where women and black men and other minorities are emerging strong. Society overvalues the white man, leaving him angry and bitter when he realizes, around age 40, that he’s not all that.

With the exception of some Italians, white men don’t turn me on anymore.

That admission puts me in the same category as the older man only interested primarily or exclusively in young women. While women my age scowl and frown at these aging, Upper West Side Boomers pushing strollers as the hand of the thin, blonde wife 20 years their junior rests lightly on their arm, I feel a kinship with the old goats. We are the same, me and that bald white guy, drawn to the exotic other, not caring that the object of our desire has no childhood memory of a Kennedy assassination or a typical WASP Sunday dinner of over-roasted beef, lumpy mashed potatoes and soggy vegetables.

Analyze the roots of attractions all you want like scientists have done and you won’t come up with a perfect explanation for why we crave what we do. Desire rises from our depths and is gloriously oblivious to the good opinion of others. Yet until recently, I pretended that my lust was an equal-opportunity craving, because that seemed like the right thing to do.

Halfway through the first glass of wine in my last date with a white man, I realized that little clouds of sadness and self-pity were regularly fluffing off his psyche like the dust clouds kicked up by that dirt-smudged “Peanuts” character as he walks through Charlie Brown’s life. This guy was at least mildly depressed, and I wanted to tell him to exercise, lose weight, trim the combover and get interested in something outside yourself. I would have walked out on him immediately, but he seemed to expect that. I couldn’t deliver the blow to his ego proffered like the naked neck of a martyr to the ax. My Southern cousins would describe his general demeanor as a “hangdog air.” Into the second glass of wine and glancing longingly at the exit, I wanted to hang that dog myself when he mentioned that his face was flushed, I hadn’t noticed, because he’d taken a Viagra “just in case.”

What did he think would entice me more: That he assumed sex was probable because I’m a sex journalist or that he would need chemical help if sex did occur?

I cannot even imagine a black man bungling an attempted seduction in such a sad way.

That was my last token white guy. I recently came out of my racial-preference closet and told my friends, “I love black men. I’m not attracted to white men over 40, and I’m not dating them anymore. Really, it’s not them, it’s me.

Nobody was surprised.


3 Types of Black Women Easier to Date, According to 1 Brother

dating black woman

Three catorgies to help weed out difficult black women

Downtown Nashville, TN is void of black faces. I noticed this when I visited the city last weekend for a minority writers’ conference I participated in. I assume that the majority of blacks are centralized in certain areas of the city, like around Fisk University and Tennessee State University, but choose not to hang out in the touristy downtown areas.

On the second day of my visit, my new minority writer friends and I went to a downtown Karaoke bar. While there, 3 black men walked in. They were the first brothers I had seen in days. And I just knew they would eventually gravitate our way.

One of the guys approached me and we began chatting. He wasn’t from Nashville. But he had moved there several years ago to pursue music. According to him, the music industry in Nashville is lucrative because that’s where all the white people are. He was easy going. A good conversationalist. And didn’t seem like he was trying to run a script on me. We talked about life, race and culture politics, music…then came relationships.

He started by saying how down-to-earth I came across. Then said, it was refreshing to meet a black woman who could hold a conversation, and not come off as “stuck-up” (maybe he was the culprit behind the “Being a ‘strong black woman’ doesn’t mean have an attitude” cartoon).

He said that he’s had a lot of bad experiences dating black women (though, many black men would share his sentiment). They are too difficult, he told me. Then he gave 3 examples of women he wouldn't date. So if you fall into any of the following categories, you're in the clear.

1) Black women who were raised by both parents actively involved in their lives
His theory: women, especially black women, who are raised having a good relationship with both of their parents are more grounded in their views on relationships. They have had examples of male-female interaction. And understand what it takes to make a relationship work.


keep up the flirting

I find so many couples drift apart,or go astray becuase they feel like they have lost that spark!Keep it alive!If your partners busy come up from behind them and wrap your arms around them,if they are walking by you,stop them and give them a kiss on the cheek!Jump on his back for a piggy back ride if you two are out on a walk.Keep the romance alive and you can be sure either of you will ever stray!

Sponsored Links:

Interracial Friends - Sexy White Women and Black Men Personals OnlineInterracial Friends& Dating service online for singles for dating relationships or turning online romance into off-line relationships.


I met my perfect love on InterracialFriends.com

I winked at Rhonda on the 24th of July on InterracialFriends.com. She liked my smile and says that she laughed at my profile when I said that the woman could be smarter than me. We emailed, spoke on the phone, and had our first date on the 4th of August. I knew right away that I wanted to go out with her again. On October the 7th we took a trip to Memphis. While at B.B. King's Blues Club we listened to Preston Shannon sing The Way That You Love Me. I knew right then, that she was the ONE that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. When we came home on Monday, I asked her the question burning on my mind. "What's your ring size?" We went shopping that Saturday for rings. We picked out a ring and I proposed in the jewelry store. I asked Rhonda to spend the rest of her life with me. She said yes. We are getting married on July 21st, 2007.

Thanks to the site http://www.interracialfriends.com/, it is professional and good at service, a great place to meet black and white Love.


Love Story: She walked down the stairs and into his heart


Jim Smith recalls the first time he really “saw” Elaine.

“She was walking down the stairs at Kansas City Junior College,” he says. “I had met Elaine before, but I had never really noticed her. She looked so beautiful coming down those stairs, I decided to ask her out for a date.”

It was spring of 1959. Jim, then 19, asked Elaine Anderson, also 19, out.

“I’m busy,” she said.

He asked her out for another day. She was also busy then.

“Jim was good-looking,” Elaine says. “He seemed nice, but I was dating other people, and I was busy.”

Still, he persisted until she said yes to a Sunday evening date.

Jim wanted to arrive on time and make a good impression. He strode up to Elaine’s house, rang the doorbell and then looked at his watch. He was an hour early.

“I couldn’t believe he was so early,” Elaine recalls.

Back in those days, girls got dressed up for dates. Elaine had on her high heels and was hurrying into her new dress when she somehow stepped on the skirt and ripped it. Her mother had to do some quick mending.

Elaine was not swept away by her date with Jim.

“I didn’t like him arriving early. I didn’t like the movie he picked out. It was not love at first sight,” she says.

Still, she agreed to go out with him again.

They began seeing each other, and Elaine soon realized she enjoyed being around him.
“He’s a wonderful, caring person, lots of fun with a good sense of humor,” she says. “My feelings grew. All of a sudden, I realized I loved him.”

Jim, too, found himself growing deeper in love.

“She seemed to be occupying all my time and all my thoughts,” he says. “I thought, ‘This may be the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with.’ Sure enough, she was.”

On Christmas 1960, Jim gave Elaine a tea set and an engagement ring. They were married Dec. 16, 1961, on a day so icy they almost couldn’t get to the church. They headed out for a honeymoon in Hot Springs, Ark., on slick roads in a dense fog and ended up staying in Warrensburg instead.

Today the couple live in Independence. Jim works for Ball’s Price Chopper in shipping and receiving. Elaine is retired from working in a doctor’s office. They have two daughters and two grandchildren and enjoy walking, biking, eating out and spending time with their family.

“I feel the Lord led us to each other,” Jim says. “We feel so lucky and blessed to be together.”

Sponsored Links:

Interracial Friends - Sexy White Women and Black Men Personals OnlineInterracial Friends& Dating service online for singles for dating relationships or turning online romance into off-line relationships.

Baha’i faith eases the tests that come with interracial marriage


At first Debra Byndom was reluctant to let her son marry a white woman. Tyree Byndom’s past relationships with white women made his mother believe this one wouldn’t work. Tyree is black, and Jesca, the woman he had been dating, is white.

Debra was going to make sure that if Tyree was going to marry Jesca she understood how important family was.

“She asked me if I was going to love him or the family,” Jesca Byndom said. “I was ready to love the family.”

United by a common faith in God, Baha’u’llah, prophet-founder of the Baha’i faith, and a belief that they can help create world peace as a married couple, Tyree and Jesca fell in love. And the idea of the oneness of humanity, the most important belief to the Baha’i faith, has guided the Byndoms through the tests of being interracially married and ultimately, to a greater faith.

“The principal elimination of prejudice of all kinds was very important to me,” Tyree said. “Once I expanded my mind, I forgot about my oppression. I always put my life in terms of ‘us’ and ‘them’ before. But the Baha’i faith erased the ‘my’ people and ‘their’ people perception. It became ‘our’ people.”

The monotheistic Baha’i faith has roots in many religions. Through the oneness of humanity, Baha’is believe that many of the world’s religions and their prophets are manifestations of God and linked by his evolutionary path for humanity. Baha’is believe that humanity’s oneness will inevitably produce world peace as people come together.

By believing in the importance of world peace, Baha’is are strong believers in learning about different cultures and are usually positive about the prospects of interracial marriages connecting divided people.

“If me and Jesca can come together with our history and our color, I think this shows that people can show commonality and love for one another,” Tyree said. Tyree and Jesca agree that had it not been for the Baha’i teachings they wouldn’t have tried to love each other’s family as much as they did.

“I’ve grown to love (Tyree’s family) for God’s sake, not myself or themselves,” Jesca said.

Still there are family tests that are hard to get past. Jesca’s mom is more passive while Tyree’s mom is more aggressive, and the two have yet to connect. They’re polite with each other but aren’t friends, Tyree and Jesca agreed.

Tyree and Jesca’s wedding was another test. Although some racial tensions were revealed, other signs pointed toward the positive.

Many of Tyree’s aunts and uncles didn’t attend the wedding, and many of the uncles still don’t fully regard Jesca as a family member, Tyree said.

But Jesca’s dad was supportive of the marriage and was offended that Jesca thought he had a racial bias, she said.

By being interracially married, Tyree and Jesca know they have come to understand each other’s background better.

“By being Baha’i I’ve learned about black culture,” Jesca said. “I could have real friendships and not just surface relationships.”

For Katrina and Kurt Saxton, also members of Columbia’s Baha’i community, being interracially married has been reaffirming for them by helping them show unity in diversity.

“I think because the faith puts so much stress on being loving towards one another in marriage, but not to make a bond out of the love the faith has affected us,” Kurt Saxton said. “We became very accepting of each other’s differences. It’s something we incorporated into our vows — strings on an instrument might be different but they are tuned to the same melody.”

Coming into the faith

Jesca introduced Tyree to the Baha’i faith when they first met, and within two weeks he had joined the faith. Although Tyree was initially attracted to its beliefs in gender equality, he was also impressed with the faith’s emphasis on interracial marriage.

It was also his goal for his relationship with Jesca to be pure.

It was a difficult decision, Tyree said, because he was physically attracted to Jesca but they both wanted to base the relationship in a mutual love for God and Baha’u’llah. That meant no kissing or sexual relations, he said.

“I didn’t use any game with her,” Tyree said. “I stopped running game two or three years before because I knew it wasn’t holy. I wanted to be a true representative of God.” While Jesca was in Santa Cruz, Calif., teaching at a Baha’i school, she asked Tyree to marry her. Jesca returned to Columbia more than a year and half after they met, but Tyree and Jesca didn’t get married for another two years.

To marry, Baha’is must have their parents’ permission, which was something Debra wasn’t initially willing to give. Between each other they disagree about whether or not race was an issue for their parents, but the couple do agree that their parents wanted them to get to know each other better first.

Tyree and Jesca know the tests they went through in order to be together were worth it.

“We really are one soul,” Jesca said.

Like the Byndoms, Katrina Saxton introduced Kurt to the Baha’i faith before they got married. Both Katrina and Kurt had been bothered by the hypocrisy and discrimination of members of their former Christian churches.

After seeing a poster at her college for a Baha’i faith meeting on interracial dating, Katrina decided to read more about it. She found herself in agreement with much of the religion’s teachings.

“I was amazed,” she said. “I would read and think, ‘Oh, I believe that.’ I liked the idea that religion should be a cause of unity and should never separate people from one another.”

After talking to Katrina about the Baha’i faith, Kurt said he “instinctively felt it to be true.”

“I read how the religion encouraged people of different cultures to come together, so to better understand one another,” Kurt said.

Kurt was surprised when he came across interracial marriage support within the Baha’i faith. For both Kurt and Katrina’s families, being married interracially wasn’t an issue.

“Other religions might accept inter-ethnic marriage, but they don’t encourage it,” Kurt said.

While interracial marriage is considered as a way for different cultures to learn about one another, the Byndoms and the Saxtons agree that the Baha’i faith believes marriage should ultimately be based in a love for God.

“Just because we’re inter-ethnically married doesn’t mean we’re better than anyone else,” Kurt said. “Marriage is based on love, and when cultures come together and learn from one another, these people become richer in person.”

For Tyree and Jesca, getting married was about their love for each other, not skin color.

“The focus is on us as a human race,” Tyree said. “People don’t date because of a race but because of a soul.”